I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Randomize
