I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
