No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
