Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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