yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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