Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Someone shattered a urinal.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
