There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize