Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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