My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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