I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
