you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
