She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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