i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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