I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
