My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
