if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
