I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
