Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
