Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
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