OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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