i wish peter jackson would direct porn
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just pee around me
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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