Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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