This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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