what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We are all done wearing pants today
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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