Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
