Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
