Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
