he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
