a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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