Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
