I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize