New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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