I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
