I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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