we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
