It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize