Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
