Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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