And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
be right there i have to get my cape
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize