so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
