he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize