if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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