just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My liver just had a heart attack.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
