I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
