I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize