I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
