Just cropdusted the office
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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