quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
