worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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