Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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