what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
