But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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