meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I need water and some morals
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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