we have pet lesbian snakes
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
