She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
