Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
