He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
