Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
