you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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