my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize