he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize