My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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