Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
