I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
