I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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