I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
