I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
