lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
