So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize